17/11/09

Now the flower of this garden...
The sky...
The air...

Are all in darkness...

There is no need to stay at here anymore...

Going back...

To The World That Never Was...

16/11/09

I never thought that anyone will read this blog...

Sometimes I think that this world is so unfair...I didn't think that I'm wrong but yet...I'm the one whose stupidity (according to her) is so can't accepted by earth and sky...

Some more she is feel so happy of what I hope her to feel...Nah...Still too little...The damage still too little for her to feel what I feel...

Still hope that she will taste what I taste? I won't giving so much hope anymore...Since...

Maybe...She won't feel on what I feel...As the world is so unfair that...One people fate can be exactly the opposite on one life...

Maybe unfair is a bit wrong...If you think of how the world goes...Maybe it is still fair...In Yin-Yang way where dark and light are co-exist with each other...

Don't you think so? Some people will just so lucky for his/her life...No matter how big the challenge is, he/she can just withstand them all and go with breeze...But some for the opposite, he/she can't just withstand them and end up giving their own life...

Maybe I'm the unlucky one...Fate decide me as the darkness of this world...

Can I say unfair now? With a sarcastically smile, I don't have a choice but to say:"No, this world is so fair. Just that I'm the unlucky one."

I expected nobody will understand my pain...Same as nobody will understand why there are many people willing to commit suicide rather than brace themself to face the hard time...Think they are stupid...

I could say that I'm hopeless in my life...

What the world see me is just...Hey do I have to repeat here?

Nobody would understand...

It looks like her fate is on the bright side so I not really giving high hope on she will feel on what I have feel...Both of our fate is so differ...

So envy of her...And also everyone...

Release aeroplane...

Today is proven that my foresight on unfortunate event is terribly precise as my friend "release aeroplane" to me...

Nice lo! Because I believe in your promise I let go a chance to repair my PC on Wednesday just to wait you on today, but yet what you do? Simply say sorry and that's it!

Fine! I bet you don't even know what is this word means do you? The moment you receive my SMS u just as well ignore it and expect a sweet and nice movie today!

I wish that someday you will taste what I taste today! Damn you!

10/11/09

Tonight, I'm all alone again...

Somehow I think it is fate after all...2 person that I think I can call out by chance can't come out as one in home and one have club activities...

Once a person is staying too long in the darkness, it is very very hard to drag him out of the darkness...Atleast for me this is the case...But well atleast those who have commit suicide I think I'm the same as them too...Is just that I havn't reach that stage...YET...(Wonder when is my turn eh?)

I think this is the 1000th time I wonder what am I doing in this world...Instead of become non-existence at all I drinking Honey Dew Ice-Blended all alone in HB3...What on earth I am doing? Guess I afraid of God after all...Since killing myself will just end up in the Hell forever after I die...But I have wonder...Will the life in Hell be worse of what I am suffering in this world now? It is I think but...I just can't resist all this anymore...

Seeing my room mate with his GF...Well...One of the reason why I have time to type this post again...As I have bed but I can't sleep...(Coz he and his GF locked themself up in the room don know do what...@#!?#$#$?!)

I think I'm afraid of Light now...As Light is the oppose of Darkness...I won't mind if I am a Heartless...But...Can a human become a Heartless? If by chance anybody know a way of how plz don hesitate to tell me plz!

11/9/09

The more I walk down this path, the more I don't want to walk anymore...

The more I walked, the more non-existent I become...

Somebody says is right...Friends come by and goes by...There is nothing to sad about...

People keep forgetting...

I maybe abnormal afterall...Scare of being alone...All the time...Guess that's why I insisting on finding a girlfriend...So that I have somebody to rely on...

Strange isn't it? Isn't suppose girl rely on boy? But I'm the opposite...I said before maybe I'm abnormal...

But seeing myself at the mirror, I can just tell myself give up...

Seeing my past, I just can't come out from the darkness of sins...

I don't know why my memories are not so good in study but so good in all those bad and sad memories...Are those punishment from all the sins from the past? If they are then I can tell that...Everyday in my life is HELL...

I don even know why I have WLM and Facebook or wateva social website...What ever I post...What ever I comment...What ever I said on my status...Nobody would ever bother to see...

WLM? Chat not even few words...I give up on chatting as I have nothing to said at all...

I start to wonder it'll make no diffrence even I delete all my accounts...But...Now I start to know why I havn't done that...As I want to know what friends are doing...

Are they fine? Or they have some trouble?

Stupid isn't it? I miss them so much...I care about them so much...Yet...Nobody would miss me...Other than my family...

I doubt that this year...Somebody's birthday is coming...And will I get invited again? 2 times already...If one more time I seriously don't know I can endure the pain of being forgotten by my primary school friends...Again...

I'm just all alone...I wish I don't have a heart...I don't need a heart...To just give me suffering...

I...Shouldn't exist at all isn't it? As whether I exist or not it won't make a diffirence in this world...The world will just fine without me...Or even better without me...

If I'm not exist at all...For sure...My parents, Grace, Su Yi, K, Wa, W, I and many other more people will more happy now...Coz I'm just a failure...

If before this the price for my good result is this, then what about now? My result have drop like...Still my life just worse...What else I will lose? Do U have to make me end my life so that I can get out of all this misery?

Once a girl that I hurt told me that she won't forget what I have done to her...But...Atleast they all just hate one person...But me have to endure the pain from everyone I have hurt...

I don't know how I can go on...I seriously don't have anymore confidence to go on...I don't even want to know what will happen in my future...As I doubt whether I can alive till the future...

I still can't find anyone I can talk with...In MMU...

Oh God...Can you even pity me on what I am now?