17/11/09

Now the flower of this garden...
The sky...
The air...

Are all in darkness...

There is no need to stay at here anymore...

Going back...

To The World That Never Was...

16/11/09

I never thought that anyone will read this blog...

Sometimes I think that this world is so unfair...I didn't think that I'm wrong but yet...I'm the one whose stupidity (according to her) is so can't accepted by earth and sky...

Some more she is feel so happy of what I hope her to feel...Nah...Still too little...The damage still too little for her to feel what I feel...

Still hope that she will taste what I taste? I won't giving so much hope anymore...Since...

Maybe...She won't feel on what I feel...As the world is so unfair that...One people fate can be exactly the opposite on one life...

Maybe unfair is a bit wrong...If you think of how the world goes...Maybe it is still fair...In Yin-Yang way where dark and light are co-exist with each other...

Don't you think so? Some people will just so lucky for his/her life...No matter how big the challenge is, he/she can just withstand them all and go with breeze...But some for the opposite, he/she can't just withstand them and end up giving their own life...

Maybe I'm the unlucky one...Fate decide me as the darkness of this world...

Can I say unfair now? With a sarcastically smile, I don't have a choice but to say:"No, this world is so fair. Just that I'm the unlucky one."

I expected nobody will understand my pain...Same as nobody will understand why there are many people willing to commit suicide rather than brace themself to face the hard time...Think they are stupid...

I could say that I'm hopeless in my life...

What the world see me is just...Hey do I have to repeat here?

Nobody would understand...

It looks like her fate is on the bright side so I not really giving high hope on she will feel on what I have feel...Both of our fate is so differ...

So envy of her...And also everyone...

Release aeroplane...

Today is proven that my foresight on unfortunate event is terribly precise as my friend "release aeroplane" to me...

Nice lo! Because I believe in your promise I let go a chance to repair my PC on Wednesday just to wait you on today, but yet what you do? Simply say sorry and that's it!

Fine! I bet you don't even know what is this word means do you? The moment you receive my SMS u just as well ignore it and expect a sweet and nice movie today!

I wish that someday you will taste what I taste today! Damn you!

10/11/09

Tonight, I'm all alone again...

Somehow I think it is fate after all...2 person that I think I can call out by chance can't come out as one in home and one have club activities...

Once a person is staying too long in the darkness, it is very very hard to drag him out of the darkness...Atleast for me this is the case...But well atleast those who have commit suicide I think I'm the same as them too...Is just that I havn't reach that stage...YET...(Wonder when is my turn eh?)

I think this is the 1000th time I wonder what am I doing in this world...Instead of become non-existence at all I drinking Honey Dew Ice-Blended all alone in HB3...What on earth I am doing? Guess I afraid of God after all...Since killing myself will just end up in the Hell forever after I die...But I have wonder...Will the life in Hell be worse of what I am suffering in this world now? It is I think but...I just can't resist all this anymore...

Seeing my room mate with his GF...Well...One of the reason why I have time to type this post again...As I have bed but I can't sleep...(Coz he and his GF locked themself up in the room don know do what...@#!?#$#$?!)

I think I'm afraid of Light now...As Light is the oppose of Darkness...I won't mind if I am a Heartless...But...Can a human become a Heartless? If by chance anybody know a way of how plz don hesitate to tell me plz!

11/9/09

The more I walk down this path, the more I don't want to walk anymore...

The more I walked, the more non-existent I become...

Somebody says is right...Friends come by and goes by...There is nothing to sad about...

People keep forgetting...

I maybe abnormal afterall...Scare of being alone...All the time...Guess that's why I insisting on finding a girlfriend...So that I have somebody to rely on...

Strange isn't it? Isn't suppose girl rely on boy? But I'm the opposite...I said before maybe I'm abnormal...

But seeing myself at the mirror, I can just tell myself give up...

Seeing my past, I just can't come out from the darkness of sins...

I don't know why my memories are not so good in study but so good in all those bad and sad memories...Are those punishment from all the sins from the past? If they are then I can tell that...Everyday in my life is HELL...

I don even know why I have WLM and Facebook or wateva social website...What ever I post...What ever I comment...What ever I said on my status...Nobody would ever bother to see...

WLM? Chat not even few words...I give up on chatting as I have nothing to said at all...

I start to wonder it'll make no diffrence even I delete all my accounts...But...Now I start to know why I havn't done that...As I want to know what friends are doing...

Are they fine? Or they have some trouble?

Stupid isn't it? I miss them so much...I care about them so much...Yet...Nobody would miss me...Other than my family...

I doubt that this year...Somebody's birthday is coming...And will I get invited again? 2 times already...If one more time I seriously don't know I can endure the pain of being forgotten by my primary school friends...Again...

I'm just all alone...I wish I don't have a heart...I don't need a heart...To just give me suffering...

I...Shouldn't exist at all isn't it? As whether I exist or not it won't make a diffirence in this world...The world will just fine without me...Or even better without me...

If I'm not exist at all...For sure...My parents, Grace, Su Yi, K, Wa, W, I and many other more people will more happy now...Coz I'm just a failure...

If before this the price for my good result is this, then what about now? My result have drop like...Still my life just worse...What else I will lose? Do U have to make me end my life so that I can get out of all this misery?

Once a girl that I hurt told me that she won't forget what I have done to her...But...Atleast they all just hate one person...But me have to endure the pain from everyone I have hurt...

I don't know how I can go on...I seriously don't have anymore confidence to go on...I don't even want to know what will happen in my future...As I doubt whether I can alive till the future...

I still can't find anyone I can talk with...In MMU...

Oh God...Can you even pity me on what I am now?

21/10/2009

Such a long time...Didn't come to my garden...

One of the reason is...I'm not that want to write anymore...

How's my life? As usual, worse than before...This sem I scare I will fail some of my subjects...

If everything going as God planned, soon I'll not exist anymore...Atleast with most of my friends...

See her photos...Seeing her smile...Don't know why my heart still pain...Tears still want to come out...Even after all these years...

Once the past won't forgive you, you are destined to be in the past forever...

Till now...I'm still asking God why am I suppose to be exist in this world? Just to show that how bad a people like me should be so that it can show the good of other people?

If I'm not exist...My parents won't be so headache...
If I'm not exist...All my friends will more happier...
If I'm not exist...This world will be less nuisance, less trash...
If I'm not exist...All the people in this world won't be hurt by me...
If I'm not exist...I no need to feel all this...

If I'm not exist...I believe this world will be better without me...

好男人看了會產生共鳴的文章(建議女生多看看)

好男人看了會產生共鳴的文章(建議女生多看看)

好男人的定義是什麼?

壞男人的定義又是什麼呢?

一個壞男人其實以前也曾是一個好男人

一個好男人經過多少不如意之後他會變成壞男人

看完以下你就會明白了

男人其實本不壞

十歲以前，他什麼都不懂，就不說了。

十三、四歲的時候，開始對女孩有好感，但是那時候他離女孩遠遠的，並且以討厭女孩自居，生怕被同伴嘲笑。

十五歲的時候，聽到大人們說某某男人好花，把女朋友甩了，女孩自殺了。

他覺得這人真狠毒，自己將來一定要做個癡情的男人，一定要一生只愛一個人。

十六歲的時候，他喜歡上了一個女孩，但是他不敢和她說。仍然和往常一樣，髒兮兮的在灰土飛揚的操場上踢球。

只在女孩走出校門的時候，躲在二層的窗戶上看她的背影，他覺得她一定是個天使。

十七歲的時候，有個女孩喜歡上了他，但是他離她很遠，心裏面只有自己那個女孩，

他覺得看別的女孩都是對她的不忠。

十八歲的時候，看了一個MTV，感動得想哭；他想，如果自己的女孩失去了雙眼，

他一定會像男主角會毫不猶豫的把自己的眼睛給她，讓她能看到光明。

十九歲的時候，高考了。終於和自己暗戀的女孩分別，坐火車去學校的時候，

感覺自己離她越來越遠，心像被掏空了一樣。

還在想自己一定不會忘記她，等到自己成功以後一定要去找她。

二十歲的時候，聽到有人講黃色笑話，覺得這人真可恥。

二十一歲的時候，她的回信中告訴他，自己有了男朋友。他為此偷偷的哭了一個晚上。

二十二歲的時候，他向一個女孩表白，女孩說：「你是個好人，可是我還小。」

他想，我的確是個好人，然後他說：「沒關係，我可以等妳。」

心想，我不會像那些花心的人一樣，三年五年我也能等。

二十三歲的時候，聽說自己還小的女孩跟一個帥哥戀愛了。

他很納悶，長大原來可以變的這樣快。

二十四歲的時候，他又向一個女孩表白，

女孩說：「你是個好人，可是我並不適合你。」

他納悶很久，我是好人，妳怎麼還不適合我呢？

二十五歲的時候，他又追求一個女孩，女孩接受了他。

他開始很幸福的為未來拼搏，他想，一時的開心只是暫時的，只有努力拼搏，他和她才能有快樂的未來，

但是，半年以後，女孩和他分手了，只是因為另外一個男孩會說讓她開心的話。

女孩說：「你是個好人，是我對不起你。」

至此，他似乎明白了問題的所在－－－－－他是個好人！

二十六歲的時候，他開始墮落。打扮得時尚而酷，而且漸漸的學習著討好女生的話。

不久之後，他有了個女朋友，雖然他對她也很好，可是，他心裏知道，自己其實並不愛她。

二十七歲的時候，他和女孩分手了。他對女孩說：「妳是個好女孩，是我對不起妳。」

二十八歲的時候，他嘗試了一夜情，發現別人能做的，自己也一樣能作得到。

二十九歲的時候，他學會了講黃色笑話，並且以看旁邊的女孩子臉紅為樂趣。

三十歲的時候，他忽然發現自己變得很有能力追求到女孩，但是卻沒有了愛的能力。

其實每個男孩，本來都是想做一個感情專一的好男人的。

其實每個男人，本來愛女孩的心都是堅定不移的。

其實每個男人，本來都是不會講黃色笑話的。

其實每個男孩，本來都是渴望愛一個人直到永遠的。

只是，沒有任何女孩愛這樣的男孩，

她們覺得這樣的男孩太幼稚，太古板，太沒有情趣。

於是男孩開始改變，變成女孩喜歡的那種 嘴角掛著壞壞表情。

開始學會說甜言蜜語而不是心裏真正想說的話。

開始學會假裝關心，噓寒問暖，學會給女孩送小飾物討好她，學會如何追求，如何把握愛情。

或者看破紅塵，遊戲情場，成為女人恨得牙癢癢的那種男人。

他們可以很輕易俘獲女孩子的心，但是他們也會在夜裏獨自叼著煙流淚。

心裏有愛的時候，沒有女孩；有了女孩，卻再也沒有了愛的感覺！

當男人聽到女人抱怨世上沒有一個好男人的時候，

他們不會也不願意再去努力做個好男人，只是微笑著擦肩而過。

或許當妳的身邊出現一個對感情傻酣酣…也許生活沒有情趣…

也許嘴巴不甜…也許囉嗦…也許長得不出色…也許對於自己感情執著

對於愛情充滿憧憬的男人

請不要再傷害他們…請不要再抱怨天底下的好男人都死哪去了 因為….他們出現時妳們不曾珍惜過……